(A Poem – Read along in timing to Dr. Suess’s Fox in Socks)

Let’s have a talk about boiled beetles.

Red Head Dead Dread

Beetles, boiled are they fetal?

Boiled, oiled, stomach recoiled. Maybe they should have been broiled?

Carcass, corpus, no way its luscious. Cooked bugs to most are truly noxious. 

Food and Drug Administration, you deserve not a standing ovation.

In fact if I had my way, you should be put on probation and suffer humiliation.

To allow bugs in my belly, the mere thought gives indigestion.

Some may say I overreact. How do we know for a fact, that the carcass of bugs don’t rot in the digestive tract. Or in my brain make an unhealthy impact?

Why would you permit such an atrocity? I have wracked my head in curiosity.

With great velocity, I pronounce you a monstrosity.

FDA, what are you thinking?  The cooked carcass surely is stinking.

Isn’t there a better way to get the colors red, purple, and pink?

Than to pick up yucky beetles, and in the pot hear them clink?

Do they make a sound when they boil, such as pop?

Or do they ooze and make a glop?

The FDA calls ground up boiled beetle – Carminic Acid. Sweetheart, where is my tums and antacid?

Our FDA claims its safe, while other countries do not permit. I do not understand, I’m going to have a hissy fit. I want to spit. Who was the twit? Why is it used here, claiming to be legit?

Who will admit? Who allowed the permit? Was it just an oversight, and meant to be omit?

Maybe the law should be re-submit, and each bug be removed bit by bit. Just thinking about this makes me sick. Who was trying to be so slick? Put bugs in my food, did you really think that with this decision consumers would click? Who ever did this, perhaps you have a brain tick. Where you ever clobbered with a brick?

I realize this may be a loud and unusual diatribe, but to your choice I cannot subscribe. The health of many in the US tribe, don’t appreciate your uncaring vibe.

When boiled beetles fight, it’s called a boiled beetle battle.

And when they battle in a puddle, it’s a boiled beetle puddle battle.

AND when boiled beetles battle with paddles in a puddle, they call it a boiled beetle puddle paddle battle. When people battle boiled beetles getting approval from the FDA, and the battle takes place in a muddle puddle, and the people are using paddles, in a bottle, on top of a poodle, eating pink noodles colored by pink boiled beetle carcasses, the FDA calls this cochineal extract. Or we call this a boiled beetle carcass battle in a bottle on a poodle eating cochineal extract colored noodles, in a muddle puddle known as the FDA, who has pissed off people who never knew this interesting fact, and would love to hit someone in the head with a paddle for making this decision and trying to keep it from the attention of the general public beetle battle.

Maybe you should have tried lice instead? There is not much worse that I can think of in my head. We don’t need insects to give us red color in food to be fed, try beets, they’re not dead.

Our only hope for you and me, I think you’ll agree – Avoid these ingredients, read and learn and share what we see. If we stick together we can become clever, better. And hopefully not be deceived never ever. Maybe we can a apply a measure of pressure and get our food from its makers much fresher.

Or start our own home garden and be organic. High prices in the market make me panic. Home grown food and from the grocery bill never again feel manic. Why I never thought to be botanic. What a great way to save money and prevent food from traveling transatlantic.

 

Please note: all references to violence are only meant as humor to make the poem flow. In no way, do I ever condone violence.